Kids still sick

I went in to see Ashwin yesterday morning and again late last night, then this morning too, wearing a mask each time. It was strange not being able to kiss his little head. He's been moved to 4 hourly or demand feeding (meaning he's fed every four hours unless he demands a feed sooner, which is almost always!). This is basically the last step he needed to reach with feeding to be allowed home, so it's just a matter of reaching the right weight. The nurses keep talking about how he's ready to be home now too which is encouraging.

Poor Taj has been in a lot of pain with the ulcers on his tongue, and then tonight Jai came down with a fever. We're hoping Jai doesn't have such a hard time with ulcers as Taj has been having as he is older and usually has a very good immune system. It has made us think very carefully though about the risk to Ash. This seems to be highly contagious as no one Taj has had any kind of sustained contact with (eg cousins, day care etc) has it, so he must have caught it elsewhere with limited contact. As careful as I've been with washing my hands, showering and changing my clothes before visiting and wearing a mask we're worried by just how contagious this is and just how small Ash is and have made the difficult decision that although the hospital would allow me to visit it's just not worth the risk. I spoke to the nurse in the nursery and she agreed that I was making the best decision for Ash and said just to concenrate on looking after my older boys and they would take good care of Ashwin for us. I will miss him so much, the little noises he makes and his intense little eyes that take everything in. These are the hardest times as a parent, doing what's best for your children even when it breaks your heart. When Jai and Taj are nolonger contagious I'll see him again.

I've been getting crazy nesting urges so have made the most of the time at home getting everything ready for his homecoming. Aside from that we are so grateful for the support of family and friends both on an emotional and practical level, it really has made a big difference and helped so much to get through this. We only hope that one day we are able to repay the kindness that has been shown to us. So many people have also sent cards and well wishes it is wonderful to know so many people are thinking of our baby boy.